Establishing Guidelines

How long are you in Europe? Until the end of December. What are you doing? Research and studying. Do you know anyone? Not really... How old are you? Twenty. This is normally followed by a chuckle, a moment of thought, and then the assertion that I am courageous. I'll take the compliment; however, I am quickly finding there is a very, very thin line between courageous and stupid.

At the beginning of the week, I left Basel for an IFT conference in Amsterdam. With over 28 countries in attendance, it was interesting to listen to the arguments, discussions, and ideas each delegation had about how to keep Holocaust remembrance alive through research, memorials, and education. However, after the conference was over each evening, I was left to my own devices. It was after these few evenings that I realized I needed to set out some guidelines for myself if I didn't want to cross over the line to stupid.

1. While traveling alone, if one wishes to stay alone, one should not smile... ever. Smiling is my default expression. This causes a number of different issues. For one, my smiles are mixed messaging; one could mean "get the heck away from me" or "please do say more." Also, after four years of orthodontics and a mild case of OCD when it come to brushing my teeth, apparently my smile screams American. (I learned this one evening when a young dentist in Basel spent five minutes staring at my mouth and asking me to smile for people.) So as a rule, if you are a single female traveling and you don't want to be asked for directions, a drink, your home country, or your name, don't smile.

2. If one is shy, traveling alone, and no longer wishes to be alone, one should find other people standing alone, wander nearby, and pretend to be madly engrossed in the same thing they are watching. I am not one to strike up a conversation. However, if I don't want to be left to the mercy of others, I need to find a way to make myself available to social contact (without smiling as this seems to only induce creepiness).

3. One should not wear anything distinctive. After leaving the conference one evening, I put on a pair of jeans and left on my cardigan and neck scarf. After an hour of walking around Amsterdam, taking in the sites, and trying to find a damn cookie (I never did), a man walked up to me and told me that he had seen me two times before, pointing to my neck scarf. Apparently, he thought that "the third time was a sign that he needed to meet me. Did I like to dance by any chance?"

4. Don't wait for others to do what one wants. Take initiative. I've been to Amsterdam before, but only at 7:00 in the morning. One hears so much about the Red Light District at night; I wanted to see it in full swing. Probably not the best place to explore as a solo female, but had I waited to meet someone, discern their character, and then drag them to the Red Light District, I would have gotten to see it at 7:00am again.

5. No matter what anyone yells, one should not turn around. If I am going to be honest, I actually learned this one in Uganda. However, it came in handy while I was walking around the Red Light District and two men told me I should become a prostitute.

6. When one is invited to explore the city or hang out, one should always be discerning about one's company. If all possible, try to get reasons as to why this person would be fun or safe to spend time with. "I'm not a terrorist" is not a good argument.

7. Although it is nice to meet new people, one should always keep in mind that it may be better to do something alone. I don't mind eating alone; in fact, I often prefer it. However, after reading numerous articles about traveling alone and meeting people in hostels, I decided to invite the two Ghanian men with whom I was sharing a room to get dinner with me. Dinner turned into a hike, then an argument over what to eat, and ended with both of them quarreling over who had upset me the most.

8. Do not be afraid to be alone. Some of the best fun I had was discovering little things and scenes for myself and being able to enjoy them as I pleased.